Building Inner Confidence (Even When You Don’t Feel It)

Many situations in life call for confidence. Presenting to a room full of people. Talking to a client for the first time. Going on a first date. 

Confidence doesn’t always come naturally. Negative emotions like anxiety and uncertainty can chisel away at the confidence you have, leaving you feeling unable to cope. The good news is that there are ways to build your inner confidence, and no, it doesn’t require any costly visits to motivational speakers!

How to generate inner confidence

• Be aware of confidence-shattering habits. Often, a lack of confidence comes from habitual behaviour. For example, when meeting up with new people, you may be in the habit of telling yourself that you’re not good enough, or that you won’t be liked by them. 

This sort of repetitive negativity has a ‘Pavlov’s dog’ effect. The more times you do it, the more times you associate certain situations with feelings of insecurity and worry. Be aware of this behaviour and try to silence the habitual negative narrative in your head. 

• Present a confident front. If you ‘act’ confident, you’re more likely to feel confident too. Stand tall. Make eye contact with others. Speak out, even if you’re inwardly nervous about what might happen. Don’t fold your arms, as this can look defensive. Think open, approachable and friendly when adopting a posture. 

• Set measurable goals. This is a big favourite with athletes. Set yourself a realistic target; for example, at a networking event, this might be to talk to three people and get their email addresses. Achieving goals is a great motivator and a natural boost to your confidence. 

• Be inspired by others. Seek out inspiration from women who have achieved big things. Chances are that they didn’t feel confident all the time either. There were probably plenty of moments where they felt disenchanted, down or desperate. Nonetheless, they strove to make things happen – and there’s no reason why you can’t either. If you’ve got big dreams, go for them. 

• Surround yourself in confidence-boosters. Is there a particular outfit that makes you feel powerful? If so, wear it to the next event you’re worried about. Likewise, if certain make-up or accessories make you feel better about yourself, bring them along too, and make sure to wear an empowering scent to boost your mood. Copycat Fragrances have a good selection if you need inspiration. 

• Listen to the right music. Does classical music make you feel calmer and more confident? If so, listen to some before you head into that important board-meeting. Alternatively, some thrash-metal or hip-hop might fill you with confidence – go with whatever works for you.

• What’s the worst that could happen? Get in the habit of asking yourself this question whenever you’re anxious or fearful. Realistically, what is the absolute worst thing that could happen to you right now, and is it actually that bad? Then, remind yourself that you can avoid that worst-case scenario by undertaking specific actions. Remember, you’re the one in the driving seat.