Deciding to live with authenticity

Today authenticity is more important than ever.  If you feel caught up in compromise how do you begin to live authentically?

I believe it starts by embodying our own authenticity, calibrating to our inner truth and therefore being able to recognise it outside of us.

Is this easy? No!

When you are living authentically, there is little middle ground, people either love you or hate you. Which is why it is easier to conform to societal expectations, current narratives and popular ideologies. Rejecting, or even questioning collective ideals can cost you relationships, income, and your reputation, especially in these ‘cancel culture’ days.

Despite knowing this, for me the risk is not what I lose in going against the tide but recognising that it is imperative for me to live life on my terms and avoid the greater future agony of regret.

Identifying true authenticity

After briefly thinking I would like to be a pharmacist – which seemed to appease the expectation that I would do work in the healthcare industry like the majority of my family – I changed my mind. Partially because I discovered that my pharmacist cousin did not spend her days concocting potions, but mostly because I had developed a deep passion for creativity, especially music. Once I realised that modern music not only came from books that my piano teacher instructed me to buy, but was written by living people who were paid to do it, I wanted in.

As a young girl I was obsessed with pop music. Every Sunday evening I bargained with my mother to grant me a few hours with the radio while I listened to the Top 40 countdown and attempted to record my favourite hits on cassette without the Radio 1 jingle. This was my weekly masterclass. I studied the craft of songwriting, first by emulating what I heard and then honing my own style.

Even though I clearly had a talent for music, I faced constant resistance.
No-one could see how music would provide a living for me. I suspect that they thought I would eventually tire of my pipe dream, find a real job, and do all the things I was ‘supposed’ to do.

But that never happened.

Creativity had to be the centre of my life.

Recognition of compromise and next steps

Over the years I had many ‘real jobs’, and although I was mostly a diligent employee, I could never fully commit to them. To me they were always just a way to pay the bills, because the work would never excite me in the way that creating did. Often I would have an out of body experience, watching myself in these different jobs, like an actress playing a role, selling a product I knew the customer did not need or entangled in workplace politics. I was living a lie, simply going through the motions for the money and it was hurting me.

Eventually, I found a combination that seemed to work, a full-time position at a production company that allowed me time off for performing. All was fine for a while until those old familiar feelings of dissatisfaction and frustration returned. I knew I had to leave.

In 2009 fate intervened and I was made redundant. One enduring moment from that Tuesday morning reinforced my conviction to figure out how to live life on my terms. On arriving at work, all of us staff were called into a meeting and told by two strangers from an insolvency company that we no longer had jobs. As they handed each of us the paperwork we needed to receive our (paltry) redundancy payments, the Managing slunk out of the room, avoiding making eye contact with anyone. No thanks or apologies.

While I could somewhat sympathise with his predicament, we had tolerated his erratic behaviour and worked hard for him, yet he could not even pretend for a few seconds and offer a basic courtesy to say he appreciated our efforts.

As one of his longest serving staff members, I had given three years of my life to build up his business and now had nothing to show for it.

I was disappointed with myself for losing sight of my true goals and I decided that day to never again compromise my dream for someone else’s, particularly someone who blatantly had no respect for me.

The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are ― Carl Gustav Jung

Returning to what has always been true for me has meant shedding the many pretenses I adopted to appease others. I got clear on what is non-negotiable in life, ready to stand firm against the inevitable resistance and judgement.

There is so much external pressure to do, be and have at particular moments in our lives, which I suspect contributes to the prevalence of anxiety in society. By placing so much value on external validation, people are hiding who they really are, building lives based on a false version of themselves. Their prevailing sense of unease is the part of them that knows something is wrong.

The desires I had as a child are central to the work I do today as a Creativity & Spiritual Life Coach, Podcaster and Writer. Honouring those desires makes me happy. Living authentically gives me the confidence to take action when my intuition nudges me to leap into new ventures.  For me this included joining my local Toastmasters club to master public speaking with authenticity.

You will have your own desires and goals so make them happen as you stay true to your authentic self.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Carol Mae Whittick is a member of Toastmasters International: www.toastmasters.org